I don’t tend to play a lot of games that circle around Facebook, as an example I managed to get off the Farmville wagon before it got too crazy, but one of the ones I’ve actually been keeping up on is Castle Age.
If you’re familiar with it, Castle Age, puts you in the harrowing situation of having to save several lands from various torturous villains hell bent on destroying the world, ruling the world, ruling then destroying the world, destroying and then ruling the pieces etc etc.
As you quest you hire generals to do various things. You can’t do certain quests unless you have the right general, but other than that these generals sit around like city workers (you know, two of them stand around talking about last nights episode of 24 while the guy with the least seniority actually digs the hole).
If you’re the confrontational sort you can attack other players, if you’re not you can just build up your defence and let them attack you until they lose. If you’re the cooperate sort you can help your friends fight dragons and villains and sea monsters (oh my!).
But while you do all of these things you accrue money. You can use this money to buy certain minions and real estate, but after awhile you have X amount of minions and lands, and like Solomon you look around and realize that its all empty. All the villains you defeated are still there and all the land you have keeps providing you with your own nice little feudal income.
I certainly don’t want to make the game sound boring, trust me this game is as exciting as repeatedly clicking “Attack Again” can be.
I’m currently on the verge of lvl 127 so I’ve definitely wasted my fair share of time on it.
So here’s the problem – after getting tired of repeatedly being attacked and have my easy earned cash stolen by people I started banking it (at a cost of 10% of the deposit these Castle Age bastards are worse then the buggers at the Royal Bank) and am up to about 3.1 billion dollars. That’s right $3.1 billion dollars.
Then I got tired of losing my 10% and stopped banking it. Coming by that cash wasn’t easy you know… I risked carpal tunnel syndrome for that. So currently my non-banked Castle Age funds are in the neighbourhood of $7.7 Billion dollars. That, combined with the banked funds, puts me pretty close to 11 billion Castle Age dollars. I mean realistically if this were real money I’d have enough to buy several of the Atlantic Canada provinces and a couple of the New England states; at which point I would set up my own little dictatorship on the Eastern Seaboard which I would call Billopia and outlaw the mallard.
I’m just waiting for the day when the makers of Castle Age work out a deal with the government of Ghana to have them convert their national currency to Castle Age Bucks (which will affectionately be known as the “CAB”) at which point I will move to Ghana and set myself up as a successful man about town… does Ghana have towns?
I just hope the makers of Castle Age don’t see this and expel me from playing the game… if they do, look for the following email:
FROM:MR BILL
DEAR FRIEND,
I AM LITTLE BILL, Son OF LATE PRESIDENT BILL OF Castle Age? NOW KNOWN AS DEMOCRATIC REPUBLIC OF Castle Age Land I AM MOVED TO WRITE YOU THIS LETTER, THIS WAS IN CONFIDENCE CONSIDERING MY PRESENT CIRCUMSTANCE AND SITUATION.
I ESCAPED ALONG WITH MY Mother AND TWO OF HER SONS JAMES KONGOLO AND BASHER NZANGA OUT OF DEMOCRATIC REPUBLIC OF Castle Age Land TO ABIDJAN, COTE D'IVOIRE WHERE MY FAMILY AND I SETTLED, WHILE WE LATER MOVED TO SETTLED IN MORROCO WHERE MY Father LATER DIED OF CANCER DISEASE. HOWEVER DUE TO THIS SITUATION WE DECIDED TO CHANGED MOST OF MY Father'S BILLIONS OF DOLLARS DEPOSITED IN Castle AGE BANK AND OTHER COUNTRIES INTO OTHER FORMS OF MONEY CODED FOR SAFE PURPOSE BECAUSE THE NEW HEAD OF STATE OF (DR) MR LAURENT KABILA HAS MADE ARRANGEMENT WITH THE Castle Age GOVERNMENT AND OTHER EUROPEAN COUNTRIES TO FREEZE ALL MY LATE HUSBAND'S TREASURES DEPOSITED IN SOME EUROPEAN COUNTRIES.
HENCE MY family AND I DECIDED LAYING LOW IN AFRICA TO STUDY THE SITUATION TILL WHEN THINGS GETS BETTER, LIKE NOW THAT PRESIDENT KABILA IS DEAD AND THE SON TAKING OVER (JOSEPH KABILA). ONE OF MY LATE Father'S CHATEAUX IN SOUTHERN FRANCE WAS CONFISCATED BY THE FRENCH GOVERNMENT, AND AS SUCH I HAD TO CHANGE MY IDENTITY SO THAT MY INVESTMENT WILL NOT BE TRACED AND CONFISCATED.
I HAVE DEPOSITED THE SUM OF EIHGTEEN BLLION Castle Age DOLLARS(US$18,000,000,00.) WITH A SECURITY COMPANY , FOR SAFEKEEPING. THE FUNDS ARE SECURITY CODED TO PREVENT THEM FROM KNOWING THE CONTENT. WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO IS TO INDICATE YOUR INTEREST THAT YOU WILL ASSIST US BY RECEIVING THE MONEY ON OUR BEHALF.ACKNOWLEDGE THIS MESSAGE, SO THAT I CAN INTRODUCE YOU TO MY SON ( KONGOLO ) WHO HAS THE OUT MODALITIES FOR THE CLAIM OF THE SAID FUNDS.
I WANT YOU TO ASSIST IN INVESTING THIS MONEY, BUT I WILL NOT WANT MY IDENTITY REVEALED. I WILL ALSO WANT TO BUY PROPERTIES AND STOCK IN MULTI-NATIONAL COMPANIES AND TO ENGAGE IN OTHER SAFE AND NON-SPECULATIVE INVESTMENTS. MAY I AT THIS POINT EMPHASISE THE HIGH LEVEL OF CONFIDENTIALITY, WHICH THIS BUSINESS DEMANDS, AND HOPE YOU WILL NOT BETRAY THE TRUST AND CONFIDENCE, WHICH I REPOSE IN YOU. IN CONCLUSION, IF YOU WANT TO ASSIST US , MY SELF SHALL PUT YOU IN THE PICTURE OF THE BUSINESS, TELL YOU WHERE THE FUNDS ARE CURRENTLY BEING MAINTAINED AND ALSO DISCUSS OTHER MODALITIES INCLUDING REMUNERATION FOR YOUR SERVICES.
FOR THIS REASON KINDLY FURNISH US YOUR CONTACT INFORMATION, THAT IS YOUR PERSONAL TELEPHONE AND FAX NUMBER FOR CONFIDENTIAL PURPOSE AND ACKNOWLEDGE RECEIPT OF THIS MAIL USING THE ABOVE EMAIL ADDRESS.
BEST REGARDS,
Bill… er, someone who wasn’t banned from Castle Age.
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