Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Talkin’ bout my generation

So over the lovely meal my wife cooked today she informed me that apparently studies are starting to show that non-stick pans have negative side effects on the human body.

I didn’t dare ask if she’d used the non-stick skillet to cook supper.

When I heard the news I felt a sense of disappointment, and yes fear, all out of sorts with the disclosure of so small a fact. When you think about it, of course non-stick pans are bad for you – non stick pans do not occur in nature (well, perhaps downriver from some old 1970s Dupont plants they do) and therefore there’s bound to be all sorts side effects. Now, I haven’t seen the studies myself, and I don’t think the scientists will be able to make the accusations stick (haha).

Whenever I look back on my childhood, adolescence and the rest of the fiasco that is my life I am yet again convinced that my generation, and people 10 years on either side of it, were mere tests subjects for someone or something.

Thanks to the myriad of skinned knees they no longer put cement on playgrounds (some of them even have some sort of weather resistant rubber finish that prevents skins) and the merry-go-round, causer of much child v&v (vertigo and vomiting) has been banished.

Back in the 80s you could get anything in a can – spray crackers, spray cheese and spray tuna and with three easy sprays you had yourself an hors d'oeuvres. Once you compress something into a can and shoot it out of a nozzle, I’m fairly certain whatever nutritional value existed in the first place remains in the can.

And you can’t tell me that all of the cereals we imbibed as children haven’t contributed to the decay of society (and the increase in dentists). I am fairly certain, for instance, that Puffed Wheat was merely Styrofoam packing peanuts with some food colouring thrown in.

Does anyone remember the Pixie Stick? Yeah, I’m fairly certain that piece of sugar shite is why I’m bald right now; its fairly common knowledge that increased sugar intake as a child causes an acceleration of the cells within the hair follicle causing them to burn out faster.

Don’t get me wrong – if you were to whack me in the face with that very same Pixie stick right now I would beg you for it. I loved those things. Think about it – there has to be a reason that half of the candies we bought, ate and loved as kids are no longer in existence.

So back to the non-stick. I’m assuming that its when the non-stick particles come off the pan and you eat them that that’s where the problem lies (and you thought that was pepper!); but here’s the good news – chances are, as its non-stick, the particles won’t stick inside you.

This situation has another down side because if they take it off of the market  a whole generation of people will be deprived of the dependable joke of: How do they get the non-stick surface to stick to the pan?

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