Now That’s Entertainment…

Dear Solitary Reader:

I’ve been trying to write on the ol’blog as much as I can as of late, now that the peeper’s on the mend I gots to put it back at work, and as a result I often find myself sitting at the end of the day with nothing to write about.

• The Toyota Recall: I don’t have a Toyota so I don’t care (but I’m sorry for you if you  do - unless you cut me off in it, or if you were in that Camry that always had to drive 10 under the speed limit (although now I understand why)).
• Jack Layton’s Cancer: I’m a heartless meathead, but even I’m not that  heartless.
• Danny Williams Heading South for a Heart: My brother already covered that much better over at the Sanctuary of FGM. Check it out (warning, my brother is trying to conserve punctuation… either that or he’s trying to be Herman Melville).

When I’m stuck for a topic I find that world news is a good place to turn because it’s often got everything needed to make a story interesting: blood, stupidity, more blood, even more stupidity and entertainment news (or did I already say stupidity?).

The first place I usually turn to find a bunch of news on various topics in one place is Google news and that’s just where my internet browser is resting right now. So I scroll down to the Entertainment section and find something that’s a fair bit disconcerting.

You see, Solitary Reader, it seems that the peeps in Googleland have a rather odd sense of what’s entertaining. The Entertainment section usually features three major headlines and here, in exact order, are the headlines I’m looking at – keep in mind this is under the Entertainment heading.

• Minimum-wage freeze fires up debate
• What’s the story, Noel Gallagher
• Accused in subway pushing appears in court

Okay so two of these things belong together, two of these things are kinda the same, can you guess which one doesn’t belong here? Now it’s time to play our game (time to play our game!).

The thing about the two of these headlines is that they wouldn’t necessarily be considered entertaining by people considered normal by the rest of the world. In times of economic peril, how is the fact that minimum-wage will be frozen entertaining? Unless we’re aiming that particular bit of trivia to the good CEO’s of the world. I can imagine the smoking room conversation:

CEO #1: I say govnah (lighting cigar with 5 dollar bill) did you heah they froze the minimum wage?

CEO #2: (tries to light cigar with dollar bill and realizes that in Canada we use coins for the $1 and the Loonie ain’t flammable) No way dude! Wicked!

And the other non-entertainment related article – why the Noel Gallagher one of course – who would find that hack entertaining? Just kidding. Okay well I’m not kidding, Oasis is as relevant as the last meal eaten on the Marie Celeste (although I’m sure the music on the Marie Celeste was better).

Headline #3:  Accused in subway pushing appears in court – how is this entertainment related? It could be on Court TV I suppose, but who watches Court TV? It’s even got a sub-link stating: “Woman and baby pushed toward subway tracks?” Sweet merciful Crap guy at Google – fix yer crawler? That’s not entertainment.

Now to be honest, I haven’t read the article so its possible either the pusher or the pushee were Sandra Bullock (I could see a case for either) and that might make the article semi-entertainment related. But I, for one, don’t find the idea of a mother and child pushed towards an oncoming subway car to be entertaining (unless Spiderman is going to web in there and save the day (with The Backyardigans singing “Save the Day” in the background).

So, CEO of Google, whose name I don’t know but could probably google, I think you need to stop playing ultimate frisbee with your minions (er, employees, what century is this?) on Google Island and sit down and have a heart to heart with the guy/gal that picks your Entertainment headlines.

That dude or dudette has some issues.

Sincerely,

The Eloquent Sparrow