So it happened again.
Yesterday I was standing in the middle of the kitchen putting lunches together when the phone rang. I have noticed recently when I’m standing near the middle of the room when the phone rings I have 0% possibility of actually locating it before the phone rings.
Heaven forbid that one time the phone ring and its some guy looking for John MacLean and if he doesn’t talk to him he’s going to blow me up – that’s the plot of Die Hard 7: Die Hardest Ever – because the phone is going to ring a full 5 times, Killer Klaus is going to pop that button and I’ll be wall splatter.
Here’s what happens when the phone rings and I have no idea where it is:
1) First Ring: Surprise. The phone rang. Who could be calling? What could they want? What did I do now?
2) Second Ring: Oh crap! Where is the phone anyway? Is it under the cushion?
3) Third Ring: Okay I think it’s over here by the piano
4) Fourth Ring: Okay, it’s not over here by the piano – oh it’s over on the other side of the room.
5) Fifth Ring: Okay it’s not here. Screw this – the machine will get it.
Now yesterday I managed to find the phone in time, only to hear the not so dulcet tones of “John” (who was as much of a John as I am a Rajan) asking me if I used Long Distance [(not interested), excuse me do you use long (I am NOT interested) …. Okay have good day)] but that’s a rare scenario.
The next time you phone my house (you better not be calling about long distance) get this picture in your head: a flustered fellow frantically fishing for phones.
Making my aural incompetence even slightly funnier… we have three phones in the house.
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