A Carnival of Idiots on Show

It’s election time.

In mere weeks Canadians will be going to the polls, not necessarily to support the party they put their beliefs in, not necessarily because any candidate sticks out as a good and honest person, not because any candidate is a clear cut leader but because 70+ years ago a bunch of really brave people went to fight and die so that we’d have the right to do so. Or at least that’s why I’m going to vote.

But look at the choices we have, considering party by leader:

Jack Leyton: Despite the mailings you’ve persisted in sending me over the last 3 years Mr. Leyton, I won’t vote for you. Three years ago when the NDP did the best its done in a long time you promised you’d go off to Ottawa and make a difference because your party could be that deciding vote. But the first I’ve heard of Jack Leyton in the last three years was about a month ago when the election was announced. It’s been easier to find Waldo than Jack Leyton. So unless you’ve been on the Island with the people from the Oceanic flight bugger off my radio Leyton, there has to be some good music on.

Stephan Dion: I don’t know if I spelled his name right. I don’t care if I spelled his name right. He’s massacring my language, so his name is not off limits. We already went through having one barely understandable Prime Minister when Chrétien was in office and now you want to go back to putting Canada as a laughing stock on the foreign circuit? Oh yeah and he’s another lawyer from Quebec and we still haven’t had enough of lawyers from other provinces yet. I would vote for Pablo of the Backyardigans before I’d vote for Stephan Dion.

Stephen Harper: The Conservatives on the whole haven’t pissed a lot of people off and that’s probably why they’re going to win; now and then some idiot says something anti-gay, anti-father of killed war vet but for the most part their political policies didn’t bring down the Canada we’ve learned to tolerate. But Stephen Harper kind of scares me. There’s just something about those beady eyes and that grin that makes me think that I’m looking into the eyes of a soulless vessel – that if we gave Harper his majority he’d channel Cthulu and Canada would go right down the tubes.

Elizabeth May: I wasn’t going to put her in the blog but her people called and complained. What is this chick doing? This is the leader of a two bit party that all of a sudden has found herself on the public stage and she’s using her 15 minutes to make herself look like an idiot – or maybe showing people she actually is one, I don’t know and could barely care. This morning I heard a clip that she admitted she’s not going to be the Prime Minister but why not waste your vote because a couple of Green’s in Ottawa can make a difference. I paraphrased that. The only way I’d vote for the Green Party is if Kermit the Frog was the leader.

The problem with politics and politicians in my eyes is this: the type of person that seeks power as a politician is not the type of person that should have it. Maybe people go into it with a desire to change but because the system is clogged down with so many people and interest groups who are used to being consulted and being paid to do nothing (wait, I already said consulted didn’t I?) that when a new person comes to town he or she can’t do anything because the other parties in the system won’t move.

I’m not telling you how to vote. I’m not telling you how I’m going to vote. I merely lament the lack of options.