6:36am on a Wednesday

Some days I think I’m out of my mind; today is no exception.

At 6:36am on a Wednesday I’ve been up for 45 minutes already, crammed down a bowl of cereal, made sure I was at the top of my Bejewelled Blitz tier and headed out the door. Saw a balloon over a manhole cover and thought about the interesting symmetry… I definitely feel below the manhole cover these days, certainly not floating like the balloon. Then I thought: “We all float down here” and ruined the day’s first solemn thought.

Maybe that’s why I can’t seem to get out of the rut I’m in – I can’t take myself seriously enough to start doing the things I’d like to do. Anyway, I went to move the balloon because I didn’t want to run it over pulling out and ruin some kid’s new year and it turns out it was a ball not a balloon – so much for imagery. I moved it anyway.

I’m on the road and I’m getting stuck behind slow cars – people who feel the need to drive 10 under the speed limit. I don’t know why I’m the one who always gets stuck behind these people. I’m too polite to tailgate – maybe that’s why I’m stuck in the same rut I’m in – I’m not aggressive enough to get out of it. I managed to get around that one but encountered two others. One of those was a guy who was trying to creep into the lane from the right. I held him off until he signalled. When he did I let him in… then he went 10 under. I never did get around that guy, if you were wondering.

The radio sucked this morning so I popped on the Matthew Good compilation CD I got for Christmas. Definitely fits my mood as of late (if you’ve never heard of him youtube Matt Good Sunup Running for Home, We Were Hunting Rabbits or Apparitions – a broad selection from his 15 + year career). Then it hit me at one point: Why was I in a hurry to get to a job I abhor? Don’t get me wrong, I work with a great group of people for a company that’s not half bad but this is a numbers job and I don’t even believe in math.

I am not suited for this job – but I don’t know what job I am suited for – after 34 years why do I not know this? Other than creativity and a vocabulary I have no other mad skills (with the exception of building the equivalent of Nerf weaponry out of office supplies and other miscellaneous items). Like a lot of people right now I do what I must until I can do what I want. Right now, with things as they are, my day doesn’t start until I get home and can be with my family – and that’s not until 4:15pm. That’s a lot of dead space.

Don’t get me wrong, life is not horrible – I’ve a great family and a life full of all the gadgetry I could want (until the next thing) I’d just like a change the place where I spend most of my waking time 9 out of every 10 days of a 2 week period.

The long and the short of it is: this year I need to get off my ass and find me a new job.