I went to the dentist on the weekend.
These days it feels like I see the dentist more than I see my wife (which if I was female and single wouldn’t be a horrid thing because that guy is making some good money off chumps like me); every other weekend it feels like I’m strapped in that chair with some medieval equipment shoved down my pie hole while this guy is sticking his sharp implements in my face trying to get at the root of my problems… oh wait, I should have used that for the root canal.
This time I was in for what was to be a 20 minute crown appointment, but the time before that I made the mistake of mentioning to Doc Dentist that I was having some sensitivity in another tooth. So the Fuehrer of Fluoride got in there, sprayed some cold water and sure enough there’s that old sensitivity. Turns out I have a cavity two teeth down.
Tangent: All the dental work I’ve had to have recently is redoing the dental work done by the last dentist I went to: that Molar Mauler mangled two teeth on the top and I’m waiting for the one on the bottom she did to go The root canal, and now crown, came about because the Tooth Fury did a crappy filling, which fractured, and the refilling got infected. This new cavity is, once again, a left over from the Demented Dentist’s drilling. To her, wherever she be, I have this curse for her: May all your teeth fall out but one, and in that one may you have a cavity.
So the current resident Deft Dentist’s shoots a needle in the side of my face and a few minutes later his sidekick, Helga Hygienist gets in there and tries to clamp the rubber damn on to the nearest tooth. Unfortunately the cavity is in the furthest tooth back, so she’s stretching my jaw beyond constraints hitherto experienced by man. I’m not kidding, I think she actually hooked my bottom lip around my shoe.
So eventually, Olga the Oral Auger clamps in that damn dam (apologizing all the while) and I’m off to the races. Happily I’m as numb to the pain by this point as a public employee is to your cares.
While the Dentist of Tomorrow is in there he’s mentioning things like “oh, it’s so soft, that is not good” and “ahh finally” while I’m lying in the chair listening to my jaw vibrate to the oral orchestra being played with drills and scrapers. Finally he puts a “temporary” filling material on the tooth. He tells me afterwards that it might not be temporary; this type of material is only used in low-pressure areas, which this part apparently is, and that if it sticks then he won’t have to go back there. If it doesn’t stick that means I’m going to end up eating it (literally) so I’m hoping it stays in place for more reasons than one.
With all that work done I go talk to Rita Receptionist who tells me that I need to do part 2 of the cleaning that they did months ago. So I’m back in November. Oh and the crown was a temporary too just to make sure it stays in place so I’m back in two months after November. Going to the dentist is exactly what I want to be doing in my spare time.
But whatever, I agree to the appointment because it was not going to appointments that got me in this mess in the first place. “Take some Advil” says the Frau Fluoride as I leave: “That filling might hurt when the freezing wears off!”
That last comment turned out to be the Oral Understatement of the century – by the time I got KFC (I’d been having a 2 month long popcorn chicken craving) my mouth was sorer than the average politicians (I assume their mouths are sore from all the regurgitated crap).
I got home and promptly took some Badvil – this is the Costco brand of ibuprofen. The stuff that’s 400mg per pill rather than the wimpy 200mg in the actual Advil. Then I tried to take a nap. I must have slept but it was very uncomfortable – I kept drooling on my pillow and dreaming of water features. When I woke up the neighbour Theresa was over and she played Florence Nightingale and offered up some Tylenol 3’s.
I took a couple of the T3s and after about 20min that dulled the pain down to a tolerable level. It lasted long enough to make it through Carole’s birthday party.
But since that appointment my jaw hurts and my head hurts; that was 4 days ago now.
I like my dentist… but I hate going to see him.
2 comments:
I was stumped as to what to say in a comment here having been one of the few who *ahem* enjoy going to the dentist because the enamel on my teeth is genetically predisposed to being stronger than most people. I was born with a tooth, no kidding, and when I was 2 months old I had 4 teeth. Then when I was 18 months I had a full head of teeth that were crooked because of a thumb sucking habit. Thus when I was 9 the monthly visits to the Orthodontist started with a tooth extraction and then an adverse reaction to the anesthetic which made my lip swell and itch, I kept biting it and because it was numb, well, go figure, it bled. Until I was 12 the month visit brought headache and pain for 1 week only to open up the door to more pain that increased with each months visit. This also brought with it teasing and jeering from kids and somehow in all of that, my mother sent me to a hacker hairdresser and I looked like a boy, then I got horribly ugly glasses that just made me look even worse.
Now, I am thankful that I have never hated the dentist and until recently have poopooed at people who do, I see that my hatred toward Orthodontists is warranted and thusly, you and the rest of the 90% of people who hate the dentist, are validated in their hatred.
I however love the feeling of smooth teeth and the mini throbbing pain of the descaling... and honestly do not curse the dentist (because I don't see the dentist much) but LOVE any hygienist who cleans my teeth.
Although I am done with the "floss lecture".
PS Your writing brings out the writer in me! THANKS!
BEST verification word yet: fcliks
With enamel like that you should be a super hero (not to mention all the other reasons you're a superhero!)... I dub you: The Gnasher!
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