The Flavour of Politics

With elections occurring in 2/3rds of North America, breakfast cereal makers have jumped on that topical bandwagon. Here’s a list of new cereals that are set to come out before and after the ongoing electoral campaigns:

Spuri-Os: These little wheat crisps are shaped like the snide comments politicians hurl at each other in ongoing “debates.” They include such gems as: “Oh yeah! Your teenage daughter is pregnant!” and “hangs with terrorists.”

Jeeri-Os: The same as Spuri-Os but with chocolate!

The Box of Everything: Much like a politician’s rhetoric, which oft promises everything but delivers nothing, the Box of Everything promises to have whatever you want in it – but is actually empty. “Just use your imagination! It always… imaginates!”

Vice Krispies: Instead of the historic “Snap Crackle Pop” you’ve come to know and eat because it’s the last thing in the cupboard and you haven’t had a chance to get to the store yet, Vice Krispies will have sound bytes from the winning Vice President.

Puff D-Feat: Remember that bag of puffed crap that your parents bought you? You know the one that was as tall as you and tasted like nothing (until you coated it with sugar trying to pretend you weren’t poor and it was really Sugar Crisp?); this is that, but the bag will now be the size of the losing candidate. Much like the Puffed Wheat of old, Puff D-Feat will deflate upon the addition of milk (proving that like politicians it’s filled only with air).

Frosted Flakes: Think of a frosted flake – it’s essentially a piece of dried something with frosting on it to make it palatable. Think of political party’s platform – it’s essentially dry with some frosting on it to make it palatable. Any questions?

Tricks: That’s fairly obviously related to the political venue.

Flavor Minute: This unique brand of cereal will seem like the best choice at the time, but the minute you eat it, it will taste just like everything else.

In the upcoming election(s) I can’t and won’t tell you how to vote. You probably should vote (for complaining rights alone) but as to what you do with your vote – that’s your own choice. We’re just trying to make this time of indecision a little easier to swallow.