Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Every Day Danger

Dear Solitary Reader:

Today I went to work, driving my car most of the way (I portaged it about 3km up some rapids just to see how Lois & Clark might have done it – ahem, Lewis & Clark), parked in my underground lair – ahem parkade – and took the elevator. Just as I do every day.

But this time there was something different.

This time when the two half doors of the elevator closed and like a good compromise, met in the middle, I perceived something sinister about the experience.

Now I can attribute this sinister feeling to any number of things.

  • I’d been up for more than an hour at this point and hadn’t yet had that first sip of coffee.
  • The doors gave a slight hitch just as they closed, like the last breath of a man dying from alcohol poisoning
  • I drank the last of the Strawberry Kiwi juice and that stuff was really concentrated at the bottom – so who knows what the hell it was doing to me.  Maybe I didn’t even portage after all… Arrghhhhhhhhhh
  • I’m just plain out of my gourd.
  • etc

What, I thought watching the doors meet in the middle like a fat man’s belt, would happen if those doors wouldn’t open again? I would be stuck. Now as far as dangers go its pretty mundane – let’s face it I would be stuck in an elevator with a full travel mug of coffee and a book I had just bought. Heck… throw in a bean bag chair and I might just do that tomorrow.

But if I was stuck in there forever for some reason I could die. There wasn’t even anyone in there I could go all Alive on if I got stuck in there after I’d eaten my lunch!

All around us every day there are things that come and go and cross our paths that could kill us. It’s enough to make you paranoid. Did I make you paranoid? heh cool.

Cars – a car is a couple of thousand pounds of metal, fibreglass and death; we put people behind the wheels of cars that we would never give a gun – and they’re all over the place! Elevators. Appliances. Electricity. Segues (I don’t trust’em). Subways (the transportation). Subway (The restaurant). All of these things can kill you if you don’t watch out.

Next time you hop in an elevator watch the doors. Think about what you would do if they never opened again.

Here’s just a few of the things that could get you.

No comments: