Sunday, November 15, 2009

This ... Is.... Jeopardy... but not really

I just heard a commercial for Jeopardy and once again it reminded me of how we, as a society, have taken the punch out of the really good words.

How is it Jeopardy?

The good people at define Jeopardy as: risk of loss or injury, peril or danger. Now that's Jeopardy.

Let's rework the show.

Let's say Bob, a home maker from Desmoines, gets a question wrong. I think Bob should have to pay for his arrogance, for thinking that he could walk on this show and interact with his intellectual betters (Dave, a Lawyer from Providence, Rhode Island and Emily, an Editor from New York). Bob actually thought he could win. Silly Bob.

So when Bob answered: This is the part of the eye that controls how a person sees colour with Rods when it should have been "Cones" he now has to pay the consequences. Of course we could just deduct from his actual bank account the dollar value of the question we got wrong - but that's just money - its so clinical.

How about we take one of Bob's organs? I'm sorry Bob, that incorrect answer is going to cost you a kidney - which will then be donated to a children's hospital (you see? I'm not a complete monster). Choose your next category wisely, Bob.

Other ways to put the jeopardy back in Jeopardy:

  • An incomplete answer entitles three warriors from a pygmy tribe to strap you to a whirling table and shoot blow darts at you.
  • You have to listen to Carmen Diaz's audition tape for Moulin Rouge (okay so maybe I am a complete monster).
  • You're downgraded to the "Wheel of Fortune" level of the game show circuit.
  • And I think we all can guess what would happen on final Jeopardy can't we?

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