Monday, August 18, 2008

VIP - Vector Insult Poetry

Has someone ever insulted you so bad that you longed for a way to get them back but just couldn't think of a way? Have you ever thought about the usefulness of subliminal messages?

One of the greatest art forms of the last 400 years, poetry is often thought of as classy and belonging to the intelligentsia. But now we're bringing poetry down to the level of the everyday person (you know, where it might actually be useful).

From the people who brought you Ro-Dentures (yes, its fake teeth for rodents, and dammit its a good idea) and the vehicle security system The Cub (we just need to find some more baby bears, its a small hiccup) we introduce the VIP - Vector Insult Poetry.

For $1.99, submit your insult and we'll build a poem out of it that will not only insult the target within the poem, but also contain your original insult highlighted. Some examples are contained below.

YOU SUCK

Years go by between the thoughts that arise
Out of the dead land of your brain;
Under a microscope, a grain of sense is found.

So long between these thoughts,
Untrained monkeys are more perceptive;
Caged though they may be they know more of the world;
Kindness it would be to end your pathetic existence.

Or

Eat Me

Ever the optimistic one, you plug along each day; Growing
Angrier for your lack of knowledge and common sense.
Tentatively you move through life afraid; hiding in
(Pause for effect)
My shadow knowing you could never be like me.
Ever the realist; I know that you are useless.

These are only a few examples! Act now, because the longer you wait to respond to that insult, the stupider you look!

Vector Insult Poetry - for when "You Suck" just isn't enough!

*We're not actually selling anything here, if you believe that:

Years of toil and sweat are wasted
On teaching you; for your
Understanding is lacking and so poor
'Tis painful to watch; like when glue is tasted.
Relevance flees when speaking to you;
Everyokne knows its useless trying to
Drum some knowledge into that brain;
Understanding is like a dream that flees
Man, I say, you are as dumb as certain trees
Bah, were I to waste more time on you I'd go insane!

2 comments:

PrincessButtercup said...

Yes I say, send me one now!
Out of the package it's useful.
Undercharged is the price of the stuff and you should charge more.
Really I love your style
Over and over I laugh or ponder
Crazy, though it seems I get you
Kinetic is your poetry, no seriously!

htwavcbh said...

You say you get my poetry,
O I can't see how that could be!
Understand me? I don't even!
All the time! I'm not deceivin!
Rarely do I make much sense
Even when I mix my tense.
Crazy you must be to get
Reason from what I've wrote down yet.
Animals even understand
Zany is this zany man.
Yet I keeps rhyming, because I can.