Thursday, August 21, 2008

Now with 50% More Flotsam & 30% less Jetsam!

Misspoken words: yesterday brought about a couple of incidents where misspoken words/phrases led to some hilarity. Carole and I were driving home in the car yesterday and Carole was talking about watching a movie: which she misspoke as the Sisterhood of the Travelling Plants where Plants should be Pants. Funny stuff. My misspeak of the day: a co-worker bought me coffee on Wednesday. When I asked what the occasion was he said he tries to buy coffee for someone once a year. My response: That is a level of benelephants that I can only aspire to. Damn that hooked on phonics.

So let’s run with it.

Would you join me then, brothers and sisters, in the Order of the Blue Benelephant. We have but three tenets:

1) Always do good.
2) Blue Rocks
3) Always leave footprints in the butter of evil. They will have to go out and get new butter and if the cycle is repeated they will not be able to make sandwiches and have no energy to do evil, for they will be hungry.

Shuffle on the Ipod: I finally got around to adding new stuff to my Ipod last night. Been trying to add a bunch of CDs a nite to the iTunes Library and whilst it was charging last night I added about 5 new albums to my ‘pod. Tangent: Right now I’m listening to Last of the Mohicans soundtrack – I couldn’t follow the movie as there were no robots and/or explosions – but the music is damnably good. Tangent Resolved. So this morning I pop on the ‘pod and hit shuffle and it proceeds to play 8 Big Wreck songs in a row… "Bill" I said to myself. "This seems to be not shuffling" So I just popped it on Songs and now its running its merry way Tangent: DUCKS! Tangent Resolved. Good to see the old Winamp Shuffle is alive.

"Dahee…. Noooo": So the boy’s been having as hard a time going back to daycare as we’ve had going back to work after vacation. Yesterday I could hear him the length of the complex crying for "dahee" while Carole brought him to daycare. I am callous bastard in many respects but that kid knows just how to punch me right in the heart.

The Electrician’s Duck: Carole and I have a running joke that if plumber’s can have the plumber’s snake (all lewdness aside) other occupations should have something too – and hence we bring you the Electrician’s Duck. How does it work you ask? Well by throwing the duck on a wire, the electrician can determine whether or not the wire is live: if the duck lives, wire’s dead – if the duck fries, then you have dinner – and a live wire. Other professions which could benefit from a symbiotic relationship with the animals in nature? The Tiler’s Hippo: he could flatten the tiles so they’re all the same height and you don’t get that uneven floor that the chairs catch on; The Gutter Giraffe: it can eat the leaves trapped in your gutter. The possibilities are only limited by our ability to dream.

Canada & the Olympics: see previous comment about callous bastard: I’m stoked for those Olympians who won medals this round of Summer Olympics. But I think to increase our medal chances we need to provide a bit more motivation. I stand by my: "If you don’t win, don’t come home comments uttered before we had any medals. Note: This won’t work when the Olympics are held in either a) Canada or b) places the Olympians would rather live. The other part of the motivation would be to actually throw more government money in their direction. Classic Stick & Carrot… maybe that’s supposed to be Carrot & Stick – but it’s a bad idea to give them money and then send them to another country.

And there you go: that’s Thursday.

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