Friday, March 5, 2010

Title-us Suckus

Today’s “No Shit Sherlock” award goes to the fine writers at The Associated Press. The AP brings us this little tidbit Pentagon shooter had a history of mental illness.

Um… anyone who’s got a gun and decides to take on the Pentagon is going to be a few sandwiches short of a picnic… if ye olde nutbar were thinking clearly he might have a mental conversation that went something like this:

"Hi Self, how are you today?"
"Why not so bad Self, you?
"Well, I'm feeling a bit angry at the world, things just don't seem to be working out for me?"
"Oh? Tell me more?"
"Well sometimes it seems like everything I do just screws things up more. And I swear the people on this planet are out to get me."
"Now that you mention it self, I think you might be on to something. I thought that guy in the mumu was looking at me and thinking about eating me."
"You know, Self, I was thinking that."
"If I had my gun he wouldn't be thinking that."
"Why self, it looks like we do have a gun"
"Okay, let's go use it!"
"Um Self, that's a really bad idea."
"You think, self?"
"Yeah, Self. I kinda do?"
"What should we do then?"
"Let's go blog about how the moon landing was faked!"
"Awesome! Let's do it."

And off he goes - still slightly delusional you'll note - but harmless in a passively mad sort of way. Instead this man, whom the AP tells us had a history of mental discombobulation, had the following internal thought process:

"Flower, Moses, Edgar, chicken, GUN, tomatoes, Bananas, Racing, Blowhole GUN,

One hint that the guy was riding his horse backwards is the fact that he went off to take on the Pentagon – they probably have guns there you know…

Thankfully no one else was killed in the incident and I feel bad for the family of this guy because a) their son is dead and b) they now have to deal with the the stigma of being “that family who’s boy went bonkers and tried to kill the Pentagon.”

As for the story title, AP, we can assume that anyone who goes anywhere and shoots anything, especially the weapons cache that is the Pentagon is either making ice cubes in the Arctic or trying to rid the world of the lizard rulers that wear human skins for disguise.

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