 | Dear Solitary Reader: A sign says a lot. STOP. YIELD. GEORGE BUSH KILLS CHILDREN. These are all very important signs. With only a limited amount of space on a sign, there’s very little room for mistake. You’ve got 2 ft x 2 ft to get your point across to the world so you’d better come up with something to make them notice you. |
I’ve got a marketing degree, which has seen as much use lately as Tiger Woods’ side of the marriage bed (can you believe that’s my first Tiger Woods related joke after that whole debacle?), and one of the areas we covered was advertising. Signs fall under that category (if you need the P – its Promotion).
In the last couple of days I’ve come across a couple of signs that have certainly made me notice them – but not for the right reasons.
FREE RANGE EGGS: The first sign, pictured in an artists reproduction above (available from the Franklin Mint for only $14.99 – give your family the gift of laughter this Christmas. Order now and we’ll throw in a leftover Dale Earnhardt Jr. collector plate. NOTE: THIS IS NOT A DALE EARNHARDT PLATE OF LEFTOVERS), says exactly that – Free Range Eggs. Now if I were to stretch my powers of deduction to their fullest I would surmise these are eggs from free range chickens.
But that’s not what this sign says. It says: Free Range Eggs. What this brings to mind is a bunch of eggs roaming the country side (probably wreaking havoc, I bet eggs would be huge a-holes). The only other thing I can think of to explain this is that the free range chickens are using their eggs for some free range lawn bowling.
Because this sign did fulfill its primary function I did actually stop and see what the crack up was about. The wait to get in was egg-crutiating; and what I saw when I got there was more than I’d bargained for. This was a really free egg:
I think this egg is a little too free if you ask me.
On to the next.
| ANNUAL CHILDREN’S SALE: While pulling into a hearing today I noticed this sign outside the church where my review panel was held. If you look closely the sign says: “Annual Children’s Sale.” So for those of you who thought that it might be a good time to have another kid but didn’t want to go through all the trouble of labour, here’s your opportunity to own one without the hassle. |  |
Of let’s say that you’re shoe factory has been short a few employee’s lately because they keep falling in the rubber tree vats? Where are you going to find some new kids at this time of year? Check the sign! Despite the fact that this sale is still 2 weeks away I’m pretty sure I saw Kathy Lee Gifford at the head of the line up. Apparently she’s got a new clothing line coming out.
What’s most disconcerting about the sign is that the people having this children sale are from a pre-school. Now either some parents aren’t stopping by to pick up little Timmy or Jenny and the school has a surplus of abandoned children or they’re writing fake death certificates.
Well that’s it for me folks. I’m gonna go stand in line: if I’m ever going to open my Children’s Chimney Sweep business (You won’t hear a Peep while we Sweep Sweep Sweep!) now’s the time to do it.
Sincerely,
Me
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