Man Cold
I have a cold. It is the cold of cold, the threat of throats, the inflection of infection.
They say if a butterfly beats its wings somewhere it causes a hurricane in Gulf; if that same butterfly sneezes he causes the hurricane of colds and that’s where I am right now.
Normally I don’t sit and whine and moan when I have a cold; but this time I’m moaning full throattle.
I feel like I accidentally swallowed some of my own cooking. It’s that bad.
Here’s a skit by the BBC sketch comedy group Man Stroke Woman showing just how bad I’ve got it:
Yup. It’s that bad.
Khaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan
As part of the cold I have also picked up an ear infection. That is the particular circumstance that’s putting the whole thing over the edge; sore throat whatever, but combine that with this ear thing and I feel like Giant Machine and Hulk Machine are walking all over my head. And Captain Lou is yelling in my ears the whole time.
It’s been a while since I had an infection of this magnitude and it was rather disconcerting when I scratched my ear this morning to find some dried blood there. The application of a cloth indicated there was more blood to be cleaned. A check of the pillow case indicates even more blood.
That’s right – bleeding from the ear. I mentioned it to my wife who had the following to say: “Ah sit down ye dafte pussy. I ha’that the lass teem I ha’a’fection an ye dinna hear me weenin’ about it ye blu’ babby!”
I don’t know why but whenever my wife yells at me she does it in a Scottish brogue.
Now I’m not generally that queasy around blood – a boyhood of nosebleeds has taught me that my body is to blood as a chip factory is to Doritos – it will make more. But my discomfort from this experience comes primarily from having watched Star Trek 2: The Wrath of Khan more specifically that seen where Ricardo Montalban slaps some worms in the ears Chekov and Sulu.
 | How do I know my wife didn’t (hold on … wife asked me to take out the trash… okay back) put (hold on my wife is asking me to do the sa’sudra… I don’t know how to do that… make it up? I hear and obey… okay back) one of those things (what’s that dear? Hop on one foot? Sure! Okay back) in my ear to make me do her bidding? You laugh.. why are you laughing? It could happen! |
My Town
I’ve recently started playing My Town on Facebook. It’s kind of fun – I’m a real estate appraiser by trade (not calling) and have subsequently watched neighbourhoods go through various cycles.
It’s interesting to force that cycle myself rather than having to wait for slow moving municipalities to do that themselves. That’s not the point though…
The point to the exercise is that anytime I play the game my internal radio cranks out “Ghost Town” by CheapTrick. So yesterday I sat down and wrote a parody of said song. Without any ado here it is:
My Town (To Ghost Town)
Well the streets are all crowded, but no people around
And there's music playing but I've turned off the sound
Just the sound of my mouse button clickin' s down
I've stopped playing Castle Age since I've picked up my town
Yeah life goes on around me every day
But I'm harvesting my houses for the fourth time today
Chorus
I'm playin My Town on my facebook
I'm playin My Town, you should come take a look
I'm playin My town baby can't you see
It's My Town - won't you be neighbours with me.
Well I wish I had more friends, friends to play with me
They'd send me more gifts and I'd reciprocate see?
Though my town is expanding, not fast enough for me
Without more friends, My Town's no place to be
I've got a zoo I harvest every night
A fire station too so everything stay's alright, everything stay's allr ight
CHorus
I'm playin' My Town... won't you come, won't you come play with me
And just in case you forgot how the song goes (which I know you haven’t because it’s a classic) here’s the tune:
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