Do You Hear that Buzz-ing?

While sitting in a state of flux, supper not quite done, kids playing outside, I turned on the hockey game in the background while I tried to catch up to my sister in Bejewelled Blitz (I will eventually, she hasn’t beat me through a week yet) and I heard an employee from Westjet offer me his Carantee.

At first I was a little discomfited because I don’t roll that way, but then I realized that this carantee he was offering was the offspring of a brief tryst between “caring” and “Guarantee” after a night of drinking cooking sherry. “No thanks” I said. But he kept talking at me anyway. Why don’t commercials listen to you?

Some old people lament about what teenagers are doing to the English language what with their texting and the lols and such; me I think the process was started long before that when some advertising execs locked their employees in a closet and told them to come up with something “clever.”

Smashing two words together to make one non-existent word and talking like its an actual world does not make it a word.

The business world is another contributing factor to the destruction of the English language; which I guess makes a sort of sense because it is the bastard cousin to the advertising industry.

Right now in my workplace we are “leveraging technologies.” Now I’m almost sure that this means we are using technologies appropriately, but I’m not sure because leveraging is an ambiguous word created by some dude who needed to update the book he wrote for bizness college because then he could say it was a new edition - he was leveraging his textbook let's say.

What does leveraging mean? Maybe it means we’re using it as the fulcrum in some sort of heavy lifting tool – but as I work on the set of Office Space I doubt that’s the case.

Back to the guy at Westjet, don’t sell me some mythological carantee – sell me a plane ticket and throw me a free f$#!king sandwich and a drink and we’ll talk caring.