James Taylor Eats Babies…

… Okay well he doesn’t (that I am aware of), but he could. And he could get away with it. I’m not sure what musical avenue you walk upon, whether you’re a metal head, rocker, opera aficionado or whatever, but chances are you’ve probably heard of James Taylor. Even if you don’t actively follow his musical styling if you’ve seen the movie Cars you’ve heard at least one of his songs.

The other night my wife and I, and a friend, got sucked into the local PBS station and they happened to be playing a Carole King/James Taylor concert. I’m not an avid fan of either, but the two of them combined have more talent than at least 57 me’s, and they sucked in our attention. We couldn’t help but watch and listen.

The thing is, looking back on that time, I can’t remember a single song that James Taylor sang. For some reason when I think about that concert I associate it with marshmallows. But I can’t tell you why (other than I may still have been a bit hungry). And Ghostbusters (but I know why that is, because I can’t think of marshmallows without thinking of Ghostbusters).

I just knew that whatever he was singing about I agreed with him, I felt slightly melancholy and wistful and I too wished to be back in that time he was talking about – even though I couldn’t figure out what it was. There’s something about the way the man plays guitar and his tone of voice that just makes you want to sit an listen and maybe, if I wasn’t dead inside, to shed a tear.

For all I know James Taylor could have been singing to me about the Feast of Babies, where he gorged himself on younglings to honour his dark god Rakadoom, Lord of the Long Dark Night. I imagine, had he been doing so, the song probably sounded something like this:

Sit down a while, across from me
We’ll talk a bit, and you will be
Longing for a night such as this again;
While we talk over open flame
We’ll talk of times when we played games
Where it helped to be just a little insane.
                And time goes by And time goes by

Grab a haunch, find a cup
Sit at the table we can sup
This is no time for hesitating maybes
How can we bring about our future
Cut out the rot and leave no suture
Unless we take part in this feast of Babies
And time goes by, his time goes by
His time goes by and its come again

Chorus:
He will be here, he’s coming soon
Live in love with Rakadoom
Lord of the Long Dark Night
Eating babies, might some wrong
But it sounds good cause its in my song
Grab yourself a newborn, it’ll be alright
And time goes by… and time goes by.

They are cute with their curly cues
Now roasting on the barbecues;
That’s not rib sauce in that chalice by the way;
All it takes for veneration
Is the blood of this future generation
And soon the Rakadoom shall again hold sway
                And time goes by, and time goes by
Chorus
Repeat “As Time Goes by” (Fade)

A song like that is something you’d expect from Ozzy Osbourne but not James Taylor which is why its fairly obvious that James Taylor is the High Priest of Rakadoom and Ozzy is probably just a sixth level acolyte.

Just to reiterate, I have no evidence that James Taylor eats babies.